Sunday, May 24, 2009

Mike Babcock: King of Press Conferences...

I wasn't planning on posting anything today what with being exhausted from work and all, but then I watched this video of Mike Babcock's off-day presser. This man cracks me up. I want to sit down and knock back a few beers with him. And I don't even like beer. Also, I want to know what was in this super-secret memo that he mentioned.

In it he:
-Sarcastically points out the Reebok logo on his shirt since he apparently is required to wear them.
-Practically calls Joel Quenville a liar. (It was at this point that I stopped everything else I was doing and became riveted to the computer screen.)
-Succumbs to his inner coaching instincts and demonstrates Havlat's position before the hit more than once.
-Makes me laugh on multiple occasions.
-Pretty much dares the Blackhawks to try to take revenge.
-Makes a nice little mini-speech about how it's supposed to be hard to win the Cup. Otherwise it'd be devoid of meaning.
-Sarcastically calls the Wings a 'goon squad.'
-Dangles some hope that Datsyuk might be in the lineup tomorrow. (Get it? Dangle? Oh lord, I amuse myself.)
-Gives a reporter a spectacular "you're a moron" look when she asks about contacting the league to have Kronner's game misconduct rescinded.

My abridged version of the presser. It loses a bit of flair without Mike's awesome Canadian accent, but you can imagine that if you want:
Babs: "Please take a picture of me in this stupid shirt they make me wear. It looks suspiciously like the Penguins' horrendous third jersey."
Reporter: "What's your take on Redheaded-Stepchild McTurnover's threats to Kronwall?"
Babs: "He's a moron."
Reporter: "What about Drapes and Datsyuk?"
Babs: "I'm going to announce that Dangle Dangle might be in the lineup so that I can raise your hopes and then most likely send them crashing down tomorrow."
Reporter: "In a general, non-specific way, what are your thoughts on dirty, no-good, rotten headshots?"
Babs: *rolls eyes* "CoughKeepYourHeadUpMoronCough. Ahem. Little bit of congestion there. Must be allergy season in these godforsaken United States."
Reporter: "You didn't answer the question controversially enough."
Babs: "OK. How about this? Joel Quenville's a lying liar who lies. I, on the other hand, only speak the truth."
Reporter: "I'd like to waste your time asking you the same question for the third time."
Babs: "You're an idiot."
Reporters: *laugh at said idiot*
Reporter: *not deterred* "How was this any different than Brown's hit on Hudler last round?"
Babs: "Excuse me while I step away from the mic to "demonstrate something" so that I can cuss under my breath without anyone hearing." *demonstrates Havlat whiffing on the puck* "God these American reporters and their stupid repetitive questions. I could just punch George Washington right now."
Reporter: "Have you contacted the league about having the game misconduct rescinded?"
Babs: "Sorry, sunshine, no takey-backies. What in God's name is wrong with you? How would that make things any better? PS. The refs suck."
Reporter: "Can you pansy European softies handle it if the Hawks come after you tomorrow?"
Babs: "Bring it on, boys! We'll kill you with our power play."
Reporter: "Wow, that's a bold statement."
Babs: "Well, you know how dirty we are as a team. Did you see how much abuse we gave to poor, sweet Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermeyer during the last round? God, we're such a bunch of goons that I just don't know how any of us are able to sleep at night."
Reporter: "How do you feel about losing this game in which you were gypped out of a top-four D-man in the early stages?"
Babs: "Could someone cue the dramatic, inspirational background music? Thanks. The Stanley Cup is the greatest prize in the history of the world. Winning it takes sacrifice, dedication, and hard work. And you know what? It's supposed to be hard. You should have to battle for it. If it was easy, Sidney Crosby could've done it last year. But it's the blood and sweat and tears that you shed in pursuit of it that make it that much sweeter at the end. K, enough with the music. Next question."
Reporter: "You mentioned a memo earlier?"
Babs: "Uhhh, it's possible that I just made that up in my head. Or, it's super top-secret classified material and Gary Bettman's little security squad is going to hunt me down and make me watch that stupid commercial about the Pens fan who has his TV in a penalty box for 48 hours straight."

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